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In the First Paragraph of this thing I Said I Would offer Insight

Well, I lied.

Instead, I’m just going to be silly. Sometimes it’s just more fun to be silly. If anything insightful happens along the way, I didn’t mean it.Let’s discuss some pictures.Tom has everyone bamboozled. You think, the press thinks, and even Mark Burnett thinks that Tom is a goat farmer from Podunkville, Virginia. He’s not.

He’s a fashion model.

He’s doing everything he possibly can to throw people off. He acquired that good ole’ boy drawl. He “don’t mind nuttin’ no how” and can find humor in anything. He even acquired a number of them sayings — you know those sayings like, “That youngen’s nose is runnin’ like a sugar tree” and “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit” and “She’s as cute as a sack full of puppies” and “Trying to get these people to work together is like tryin’ to herd cats” and “He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

Ok, I’ll stop.

Just look at these pictures of Tom posing. These happen naturally when he forgets to pretend that he’s a goat farmer.

Tom, YOUR GIG IS UP! And I think you need to admit the truth. If not to your teammates, admit it to yourself.

Plus, everyone knows that as soon as fashion models start to get all bent out of shape because cans of beans were eaten, the first thing they start doing is trying to poke peoples’ eyes out. I know this because I used to be a teacher and this is one of the things they teach you right before school starts. “If any of your students tries to poke someone’s eye out… then that means they’re going to be fashion models someday.”

This is true. I remember reading this in orientation.

Remember when Clarence was being yelled at by everyone about eating that can of beans? And remember how I sort of described how Clarence held his head high and became a bigger person? Well, no one was shown what REALLY happened.

Magically, Clarence literally grew to be about 22-feet tall. Here he is towering over Kim J as she calmly explains why the group is pissed. Surprisingly, no one in the tribe seemed to notice Clarence’s growth spurt.

But what was REALLY shocking was how Lex turned into GOD! Here he is looking down on the tribe saying, “Clarence. Thou shalt not eat no more beans” (Yes, God has bad grammar.) Did the Boran tribe bow down in reverence? Did they from that point on consider their camp Holy Ground?

No, because they knew it was all a joke. They said, “God, stop pretending to be Lex” and he was gone and they went back to arguing about the can of beans. You know, if it were me, I would’ve at least bowed down. Better yet, I would’ve asked him those “meaning of life” questions and thanked him for creating Puerto Rican women.

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